The Girlie-Men Of The New Millennium

Howdy, Pardners…

“So, do you have any of those bows that pop open when you shake your wrist?”

I knew what he was talking about… The Avengers. A movie for children. What I wanted to say was, “Yes, but we keep them all on the flying aircraft carrier so that we can use them against alien invaders.”

But I didn’t say that, because he was being perfectly serious, and so were the group of twenty-somethings that he was taking the archery lesson with….

“No, son. That’s just a movie. There aren’t any real bows like that.”

They all seemed genuinely disappointed.


I am, of all things, an archery instructor. I had no plans to become an archery instructor, and if you would have told me before I retired that I was going to end up as an old guy teaching archery… I would have laughed. But life is sometimes like that, and you have to roll with the punches.

So here I was, teaching a small group of affluent Millennials how to shoot archery. For me, it was just another archery lesson. For them? A Life Experience. Three video cameras (including a head-mounted video camera), three expensive DSLR cameras, and six smartphones snapping pictures that I’m sure were going directly to Facebook.

The kid with the head-camera was wandering around… getting great images of the members of his pod sharing this Life Experience.

“Hey, son. Are you the video crew, or are you a student?”

“Oh! I’m a student.”

“Good. Why don’t you shut off your camera and pay attention.”

It wasn’t a question.


I’ve taught a few hundred folks how to shoot archery, and I have to say that our dear, exceptional, and special Millennial men are the biggest pansies that I’ve ever had to deal with. Zero attention span… mixed with large doses of narcissism… mixed with an extraordinary lack of muscle and coordination. And the maturity level… “So, do you have any of those bows that pop open when you shake your wrist?”


I’m not saying this because I have a beef with Millennials (which I do), but because the reality of the situation requires a bit of truth-telling. Millennial men are generally a bunch of whiny stupid pussies… no matter the amount of apps they have on their smartphones.

I learned this the hard way. When I first started giving archery lessons to groups, I would automatically hand the heavier poundage bows to the men. This seemed about as simple and natural as falling off of a log. But after a few lessons, it became pretty damned obvious that Millennial women are a lot stronger, and much more coordinated, than Millennial men. So I started handing the bigger bows to the girls (who seem to do just fine, thank you).

The Millennial men get the same bows that I teach nine year-olds with.


Don’t let the buffed-out biceps and pecs fool you. These men are weak. And that makes me sad.

It’s not their fault, and it’s just not fair. They will never know the full measure of their male physicality. They are just girls with penises.

That says a lot, but I’m not sure what. Mostly… Young men in their mid-twenties are supposed to be stronger, faster, and more aggressive than this crumbling old man. Really fucking sad.

Have a day.


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