Religious Freedom?

Howdy, Pardners…

Well, I thought about it, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I can no longer be associated with religious or other insanely stupid people. This is indeed my deeply held belief, and I think that we should get some laws passed that will protect my secular right to not have to consider these people as, well… people.

The thing that makes human beings different from other animals is our unique ability to reason and to employ logic in our daily lives. I think that this premise is valid, therefore… the conclusion is self-validating… religious people aren’t really human. If reason and logic were part of their daily lives, they’d try to pour it over their french fries. They live in a world of self-imposed idiocy, and they are militantly proud of that idiocy.

I deeply believe that doctors should not have to treat patients who are religious. I believe that religious people should not be allowed to get married or have children (and ABSOLUTELY NOT be allowed to adopt). I certainly don’t believe that businesses should be forced to cater to religious people. I believe that employers should be able to hire and/or fire based entirely on religious belief. I mean, let’s be honest here… would you trust a religious person with your money or business? I think not. I believe that landlords should be able to reject prospective renters who are religious, and I believe that no one should have to sell their home to a religious buyer. Yes, we need a new kind of red-lining to keep these buffoons out of our neighborhoods (you know what they do to the house prices). We really shouldn’t have them around our children, schools, or playgrounds.

And speaking of schools, we need to change the curriculum so that they make no mention of any religion, religious thinkers, or religious history. All that our children should be taught are those things that came about due to secular thinkers, and all religion and/or spirituality should be relegated to a class called “Fairy Tales and Other Traditional Myths”.

Once again, you need to understand that these are my deepest and most profound beliefs, and that I not only demand that you tolerate them, but that you don’t flinch when I attempt to enshrine my deeply held beliefs into the American legal system. You should also accept that if I own a corporation, I can inflict my beliefs on all of my employees and customers. My deeply held beliefs should become more valid than any law or Constitution.

Okay, so you’re a religious person reading this silliness, and you’re getting a little hot under the collar. Well, welcome to a world that you have created. You’ve created, and continue to create, a world where tolerance for your beliefs just isn’t enough. You want special laws that will protect your “Religious Freedoms”. And when aware atheists see what you are doing, we become paranoid, defensive, and enraged. We can see through the smoke and mirrors, and we see that the only difference between American religion and “barbaric” religions is that… they can get away with their violent intolerance… and you can’t… but damn if you aren’t giving it your best try.

Have a day.


primum vivere, deinde philosophari.

One Response to Religious Freedom?

  1. Fr. Antonio Benadicci, S.J.

    Dear Mr. Royce-Smith,

    Your blasphemous posting on Facebook has come to the attention of His Holiness, Pope Francis, who has in turn asked his humble servant to reply to your outrageous assertions.

    To begin with, we – who live in the bosom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ – seek only the betterment of mankind and harmonious existence with our brethren. Those allegations that the Holy Catholic Church of Rome participated in bloody crusades and inquisitions is simply propaganda, probably propagated by infidels (read Jews) to discredit our noble efforts at saving souls (and, of course, adding to our coffers to enable the expansion of these blessed endeavors). Of course if you were referring to those fucking (oops, meant misguided) Protestants, then we have more sympathy for your position as they have left the True Religion and are thus destined for perdition.

    Your attitude is one of a lamb of God who has lost his way. To deny our followers procreation would reduce our market share and thus do irreparable harm to our balance sheet. Ditto for denying medical attention which could similarly hurt us financially through the reduction of our fold. You clearly do not see the ramifications of your proposals.

    But through the Holy Sacrament of Confession we can redeem your soul and give you a new perspective on life. Our monasteries could provide you sanction and time to dwell on the wonders that the Church has revealed to its followers. And they accept Visa, MasterCard and American Express.

    In sum, we will pray for your soul and hope that Our Lord will show you the errors of your ways.

    Yours in Christ,

    Fr. Antonio Benadicci, S.J

    P.S. In the interests of fairness to other faiths (as if there were really any), I have appended the responses of leaders of other (incorrect) religious philosophies:

    You fucking infidel. The servants of Allah will find you and cut off your testicles, penis and ultimately your head. You have seen how we deal with cartoonists who blaspheme Allah. You can run but you can’t hide from the Jihad. However, in the spirit of forgiveness exhibited by Father Benadicci, we of Islam too can offer conversion and salvation. You can order your prayer rug (available in a variety of textures and colors) through our website: allahrocks@yahoo.syria. Conversion courses can also be ordered at this website. The next course will be held in Damascus, March 7th. You will fly into Lebanon and our Jihadists will escort you safely to the mosque at which your conversion will occur.

    Abdul bin Jamal, servant of Allah

    Oy, Royce-Smith, vat a schmuck du bist. Without Judaism you wouldn’t have chicken soup, pastrami, or Sammy Davis Jr. But conversion to Judaism is much quicker than with Catholicism or Islam. Just take our your credit card and call our toll-free number 1-800-boobbala and our operators will send you your certificate of membership in your local temple. (If you need circumcision there will be an additional fee.)
    Morris Leibowitz, Rabbi – Temple Beth Hiyosilver

    You must be a homosexual. No straight person would post such blasphemous nonsense. We spent a lot of money trying to get rid of you fags and prohibiting your tainting the holy state of matrimony. But a bunch of fag judges overruled the will of the people of the state of California (proposition 8) and now we have your kind violating the sanctity of the internet and the teachings of the Book of Mormon. You are doomed to hell’s fire.
    Josiah Pudnich, Pastor – Temple of Wonderfulness, Latter Day Saints

    Ah mister Royce-Smith. You write well if irreverently. The Buddha can show you The Path and you can leave your sorrows and this world of dust and become enlightened as His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
    Our temples are always open to new followers of The Way. And in addition to major credit cards, we take debit cards as well. OMMMMMMM
    Ah Krappp, Monk

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